i need someone to pour myself into
by aryadrutting
Summary: In a world where soulmates can't lie to each other; the devil and the detective have a bit of a problem.
1. pt i

**A/N: warnings: past child abuse, mentions of sex and torture, but like nothing explicitquote from: **_**"How we need another soul to cling to, another body to keep us warm. To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this, I need someone to pour myself into." **_**Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath**

* * *

He is one of the firsts, made before the stars and planets, made before all others but Amenadiel and Azreal. They are made in pairs and his other is Michael, his twin, his best friend, his other half.

Or he thinks so, and up until a point he loves his brother more than anything but his father. This is how it should be. Perfectly balanced, circle of love and fire and light and endless songs.

But soon father starts disappearing, making new things, day by day.

He asks them to help too, with forming an animal, placing an ocean. Making the stars is his task and soon his younger brothers start calling him _lightbringer_, and father is happy and everything is all right.

Or almost everything, because with every new star lit, every new flower in bloom, every life burning brighter, his mother starts feeling colder and her songs cutting sharper. And father leaves and leaves and sometimes he doesn't come back for ages and he just keeps making stars, trying to ignore the hollow feeling inside his grace that grows with every passing eternity.

He tries to focus on other things, to bond with Michael again, despite not talking to him for a very long time. They are not as close as they were, both of them too preoccupied with the task Father has given them.

His brother berates him for all the shapes and forms the stars have, because he didn't follow Father's instructions to the letter, because he tried something new; and he sees the quiet sort of desperation in his brother's eyes. The hope if they make everything perfect Father will come back more often.

He hopes for the same thing when he ignores His orders. That maybe his creativity will attract his attention.

It doesn't.

They are two side of the same coin, and no matter the differences they are still each other's, still loving one other and their Father with everything they have even if they choose a different path to walk on.

So while Samael tires to make Father happy with shining lights, Michael does it with harsh obedience.

Neither works.

(There is also something else growing in his grace beside stars, getting stronger and stronger with every new shape he makes.

Amenadiel says it's a soul bond.

And that only those with free will have them.)

It goes on like this for a long time, sky full of stars, mother filled with bitter rage, and his brother following rules. By the time He reappears with humanity in his hands he has grown used to the emptiness in his grace.

So when Father asks them to love humanity more than they love him, Samael can't.

Humanity is the reason He was away, why Mother's slowly losing her smile, why him and his twin argue. These tiny little creatures are responsible for the hollow feeling in his grace and he can't do this.

He tempts them, to prove a point; and he rebels to show him he isn't the only one thinking like this, and finally he casts his name away, because he can't bear it. Can't bear his Father uttering it in disgust, with anger so deep he fears he will smite him right there.

He doesn't, but he cats him out and mother stands there and does nothing as Michael banishes him. His twin always following his orders, even when it's hurting him.

He doesn't think they will ever recover from this choice.


	2. pt ii

Eventually he leaves hell.

Five years and countless favors later he finds himself on Delilah's side asking her not to throw away her life, her talent. Maze will be angry when she hears how he wasted this IOU.

Lately he has been doing this more and more. Giving more and taking less, but he doesn't care what his demon thinks. There are only few things humans can give him, and sometimes just the help gives him more leverage than he actually needs.

He doesn't hate them, not anymore, and after all this time on Earth he thinks maybe he is starting to like them. Oh he's definitely biased towards some. This little singer whose career he kick-started is one of his favorites, and it would be hell on Earth before he lets her talent go to waste.

She promises to get back up again to start living again and they kill her in cold blood. He swears he will hunt them down like the animals they are, and he will punish them until the only difference between hell and earth will be their beating heart.


	3. pt iii

The Detective is a pleasant surprise.

He is ready to solve this on his own, to pursue it until the very end even if the police is so ready to write it up as a consequence of her drug problem. Just because she made a mistake she doesn't deserve scrutiny and dismissal. If no one else will honor her with the truth, then he will.

Instead he gets to work with this woman, who takes everyone's dismissal and throws it out of the window. She is a breath of fresh air with her tenacity and stubborn drive, and unlike the others she continues to investigate even after the case seemed to be solved.

The best part? His power isn't working on her.

Well he was getting bored anyway.


	4. pt iv

The most annoying thing about Earth is the humans' misconceptions of his Father. The only exception is the human belief that soul mates come from Dad himself. The holiest of his gifts.

It's bloody hilarious.

His Father with all his wisdom never expected humans having a celestial trait.

But the moment Eve took the bite he could feel the bond simmering to life, clicking into place only when Adam did the same.

Some of his brothers and sisters had them too, and he still remembers the shock on Father's face when Amenadiel told him about the potential of one growing inside his grace. He remembers Maze confessing that she could feel one tugging on her non-existent soul.

He remembers his own dormant one sparking to life.

The soul bond, so loved, so treasured by humans had nothing to do with dear old Dad.

And everything to do with free will.


	5. pt v

The Detective thinks the psychologist is his soulmate, which is not an unusual reaction at all. Most people come to that conclusion when every little secret of theirs slips out.

Except it isn't true.

Soulmates can't lie to each other, but they can choose not to respond. To only give half-truths, to divert. But people are laid bare in front of him, vulnerable and open, unable of keeping him out of the locked corners of their hearts.

Unable to hide in the dark from the _lightbringer_.

So he drags up all their dirty little secrets with a grin and hollowed eyes, and if they think they are cursed with a monster as their other half, all the better.

What's more terrible punishment than the knowledge that your soulmate is the devil himself anyway?

But his charm isn't working on the Detective. She doesn't slip up, and while she tells him a different truth than he asked for; her eyes remain clear, locks firmly in place around her soul.

This tiny, blond woman filled with sarcasm, annoyance and stubbornness capable of withstanding the devil himself, and dear Dad he never wanted something this bad in his entire life.


	6. pt vi

He almost loses her to the same disgusting worm who killed Delilah.

So he lets it know what's the punishment for taking something that's his, burning the devil-face inside his brain for all eternity. The slimly little thing ends up in a mental hospital after he's done with him, and he can't say he cares at all.

Maze is worried and true it was long since he went all out on a mortal. Even in hell it's usually her who tortured the souls into insanity not him. Doing this just because the idiot killed on of his favored and injured the Detective is weird, but it it's not unlike him at all.

"Stop caring. You are the devil!" Maze says and he wants to laugh.

He fell because he loved his father more than humanity. He punished those souls not because that's the part Dad assigned him, but because all their depravity, all their cruelty disgusts him. And when he left hell to take a dive in all the sins humanity has offered, he still catches himself doing favors left and right. Helping them (maybe even loving them).

He is the devil, caring is all he does.


	7. pt vii

He tricks the police into hiring him. Well, kind of. It allows him to be around the Detective and that's enough for him.

Somehow between annoying each other and putting murderers behind the bars they grow closer. And as they grow closer he catches himself wanting her, more and more.

He wants to feel her warmth beside him, to hear her kindly talking to her offspring, watch her laugh at something he said or did. To comb his fingers through her hair, and taste her smile and touch her hands and face and…

He wants her so much that saying, he would have her in his bed, feels like a lie.

Than the kidnapping case happens with that idiot who objectifies women for living, and she sees his scars.

They usually attract people, give another plus to his image. Lucifer Morningstar, king of hell who cut off his own wings.

The Detective doesn't listen, at least not to his words. She stops him from rambling and reaches and it's so soft, her fingertips barely touching his back, and it almost breaks him.

He is used to crawl marks and gripping, even hungry kisses and lips across his scars not gentle hands caressing him like he is going to shatter into pieces. He didn't do that when he fell, instead he burned and hold on and became a king. A single touch shouldn't harm him.

Except.

Except a few nights later he discovers the Detective is so very good at breaking him, and he should run, really. It's dangerous and he could be hurt, like never since his fall, and he decides to stay instead.

(In the end soulmates are all about honesty and Lucifer always tells the truth. Yet she can still peel away every lie he believes about himself.

Invulnerability is one of those.)


	8. pt viii

He doesn't know when it started, but there is a hollow feeling in his chest that grows and grows with every side-comment Maze makes, with every disapproving glance his brother sends his way.

(And maybe he is paranoid, but it's almost the same one he felt in heaven before everything fell apart.

He can't stop the fear that rises with the thought.)

And at first it's nothing, easily pushed aside with sex and drugs and alcohol and fun things. But as time goes on it gets harder to ignore it, harder to mute it and push it back in the back of his mind.

So when someone steals his wings? It's exactly the type of distraction he was waiting for, but he is still reluctant.

He knows he should make an example out of this. No one steals from him and stuff like that. Hell he should do it because it's doing anything other than partying and drinking. Or because humanity and the divine are not a good combination.

He has so many reasons to hunt down these bastards, he feels like he is drowning in them.

But…

But every time he sees his wings he can still feel the phantom pain in his back, the burn of the fall on his skin, the smell of hell in his nose. He needs them and he doesn't want them, and he will get them anyway, because of course he will.

It doesn't go down the way he imagined, and by the end of it, the empty hurt in his chest doubles as he hits and hits his brother, blood dripping from his busted lips, wings burning on the sand.


	9. pt ix

When he can't bear it anymore, he tells Linda, and of course she knows what it is.

But he isn't lonely. How can he be when, his club, his penthouse is always buzzing with people? When every night he has a different companion in his bed, sometimes even more than one? When he has people asking for favors left and right?

But apparently being alone is not the same as being lonely, and he would call bullshit, if the ache would just go away.

It doesn't, and the moment he sees Maze, he almost flinches because it _hurts. _She is the one who betrayed him, why is he the one suffering?

But a priest walks into a bar, and ask the devil a favor. It's probably the beginning of a great joke, but he isn't in a mood to laugh.

So he dismisses the man, bracing himself up to prove him wrong, to show the whole world all the way Father failed them, how rotten his followers are. He feels the usual burning anger sparking to life in him, and for a second it's so good, so familiar that he forgets the pain.

A dead body and a shooting later, he is proven wrong. Apparently the father is a decent man.

He is also a bloody good piano player, but he rather goes back to hell than admit that.

They start easy, competitive even but they are in sync, and somehow they end up improvising a piece for four hand, and now it's _fun_. He doesn't remember having so much fun in years, maybe decades. There is something warm in his chest, that slowly eats the pain away with every accord played, that only intensifies when the Detective interrupts them.

Maybe that's what Linda meant with needing friends, not just lovers.

His therapist is so clever; he did a great job by choosing her.


	10. pt x

It doesn't last. Of course it doesn't last.

One minute they are playing together and the next he is trying to keep him alive, begging and praying with all the faith he doesn't have anymore and father Frank still bleeds out in his arm.

He wishes to have his wings back now, because he wants to stand in front of his father again and shout and scream the same way he once praised his name.


	11. pt xi

This is probably his lesson from Father. If you don't want your wings, you won't be able to save those who matter. He knew this when he cut them off, when he burned them on the beach; but until now revenge and punishment were enough.

Scaring them, torturing them was enough, and he doesn't realize when did their life started to matter more than what comes after.

When did their laughter, their mere presence started to fill the empty spaces inside him. When did his loneliness became so suffocating, that almost strangers feel like a breath of fresh air in his lungs. That their death can make him drown and drown again.

And he has been playing for hours now, trying to numb what isn't hollow pain anymore but burning agony, and it doesn't stop. At least not until she arrives, with a shy smile and determination shining in her eyes.

It still hurts. But as she's trying to remember the only song that stuck after years of lessons; the hollow feeling that has been steadily growing in him for weeks, slowly disappears.


	12. pt xii

Somehow he is blindsided by the fact that there is trust between them now. That the Detective seeks him out so easily; that her smiles are becoming softer in his presence. That her touches are warm and comforting, and remind him so much of heaven he almost cries.

And he still wants her. How can he not, when she is the most beautiful and interesting human being since the beginning? But he knows that won't be enough anymore.

Because no hungry kiss can replace the warmth of her gentle touch against his arm. Or their weird inside jokes, that always have her rolling her eyes. Sex can't replace the quiet moments, when she pops over the penthouse with cheap take-out just to _talk_.

And he wants her like his next breath, but he rather suffocates than lose what they already have.

So when she appears again one night, desperate and hurt, trying to take him on his couch he says no.

Oh, he is willing to be anyone's break-up laid, and he is master of taking their mind off the pain, but he can't do this. He can't take less than everything from the Detective and that's so much more than she is ready to give. He won't violate her trust like that.

So he tells her no, and tucks her in, and tries very hard to forget how divine she looked against his sheets.


	13. pt xiii

**tw: kind of suicidal ideation, only kind of because he is the devil. But he is not all right!**

**also sorry for being late with these i was cross stitching and making gobelin (that's one weird excuse but here we are)**

When she comes to arrest him he is drinking alone the pub's bar. His own collection is broken and spilled, wasted on his struggle with his brother who left him in his misery.

So when she shows up with guns blazing he is ready to give up and go back to hell. He can handle Maze leaving and Amenadiel wanting to kill him. He can handle his reputation being in shambles, even those dead kids whose life was taken in his name.

He is used to all that. Death, betrayal, hurt, all of it.

What he can't take is her eyes looking guilty, full with tears begging him to come quietly.

He doesn't.

Instead he shouts and taunts, aggravating the newbie, telling them to shoot him, because at least hell has a familiar ache, not this new, suffocating one.

Death, he thinks, would be a lot less cruel at this point.


	14. pt xiv

And apparently this is the only time in eternity his wish comes true. As he lies in his own blood, praying for her soul, he doesn't have the strength to laugh, but it's a close thing.

Still she believed him.

She believed and protected him, when all the world turned against him, and now it's his time to do the same.

And if asked he would say, he hates being in debt, and that's true. But he is the devil, and he learned long ago that not lying isn't the same as telling the truth. Owning his life to a human is the last thing in his mind in that moment.

Because all the time in hell, and all the memories of heaven, of pain and betrayal, never taught him how to love in moderation. He loves the way he punishes (the way he sang once upon a time), with all his burning soul and blazing eyes and passion to fuel the stars.

And there isn't anything on Earth he loves more than the Detective.


	15. pt xv

When it's all over, the Detective and her little offspring safe, he is free to remember.

Remember the time Mother stopped smiling, when she stopped trying, when she stood by Father's side and did _nothing_.

That he did the same. Let Dad banish her and cage her, as he stood by the sideline. He lets Maze torture her, knowing she won't break, won't beg and won't ask for forgiveness for what she didn't do.

He won't apologize to her, not for giving her the same treatment she gave to him, but this is different.

This is Father asking him to do something, telling him it's his time to curse her for eternal punishment. And no matter how terrified and resentful he is, he's not sure he can do that.


	16. pt xvi

So maybe he is a little paranoid, but no matter what the Detective says it's warranted. His mother, the Goddess, is finally free after centuries of imprisonment, of course he is paranoid.

But even he starts to calm down after days of silence.

Of course that's the moment Mother walks into his penthouse, limping and covered in blood. Of course.

In the end, he puts her in Maze's clothes and resolves to check out the murder scene she so readily left behind. Good Dad, he doesn't want to clean up after his mother; and no, he doesn't believe her when she says she didn't kill anyone. He is not an idiot.

The Detective gets the case, and he tries to find some evidence pointing at his Mom, but it doesn't happen. Instead it looks like she actually said the truth, and she managed to find a pretty dead body on her own.

It doesn't change the fact that he needs to send her back to hell, if he wants the Detective to be safe, but he can't.

He _can't_.

No matter how much she hurt him, she is still his mother, and he wants more than anything to fix what's broken between them.

So instead of taking her down to her fiery prison he punishes her with humanity. She always hated them, so what's crueler than making her live their life.

It's a win-win.


	17. pt xvii

**tw: child abuse in this one, there isn't any graphic content but like heavily implied**

* * *

A little later, in the privacy of his own bedroom, he admits that there was another reason why he let her stay. A selfish rebellious reason, that he buries inside his grace never to think about again.

Because some days ago, the little urchin defaces her own doll to demand another.

He wants to congratulate her, it's a clever, sneaky plan, worthy of the Devil himself, even if it's a little crude. The girl is still just a little human; she has time to learn.

But no matter how proud he is, how angry he is at the Detective and Douche for not giving her what she wants, there is a split second he can feel fear too. Because…

Because what if they punish her way worse than she apparently deserves, what if they end up hurting her. She is only a child, one he is kind of fond of, and he can't let that happen.

It's just a split second insecurity, but the Detective picks up on it, and for a moment he is sure she will be mad. For even assuming something like this. She isn't. Instead of anger there is understanding in her eyes and she invites him to have dinner with them.

Which what?

He goes, of course he goes. It's the Detective, and every little window into her life is a blessing. Sure, she keeps showing up in his penthouse more and more, but this is the first time _she_ invited him.

She cooks, and he brings the wine, and the little human is still pouting but there isn't an ounce of hesitation in her voice when she asks for a bedtime story. She moves past her punishment like it's not a big deal. Sure she is grounded for a week, but she never even considers that her parents will love her any less. That it's the last time she can look them in the eye before they abandon her.

And oh, this was for him. To reassure him that everything is alright, that no one is getting hurt. That sure sometimes they need to be stern, but that doesn't equal pain and abandonment.

So he lets Mother stay, because she did what she had to do, to protect him; and for once he knows his Father was in the wrong when he made him fall and burn.

Because children shouldn't be afraid of their own parents, and parents shouldn't make their children _scream._


	18. pt xviii

Then there is Uriel.

Uriel who kept following him and Amenadiel around. His little brother who has a soul-bond just like them.

Who came here to make him choose.

His Mother or the Detective, his old family or his new one. Rebelling again, or finally following Father's orders.

And but there's always more than two choices, and as the bloody knife drops from his hand he wishes he made a different one.


	19. pt xix

**possible trigger warning**: I can't say it mentions blood but it alludes to it

* * *

He limps home.

When the elevator's door opens he notices the Detective walking up and down, glancing up with worried, angry eyes, when she hears him. He's white shirt is pink and red, and there is his sister's knife in his hand, and he knows that tears are running down his face.

Worse. He has nowhere to run.

The Detective is by his side in seconds, trying to make eye contact, but he can't. He can't look into her eyes, right after he killed for her. Not after he killed his brother. So he looks away.

Instead of letting him hide, she takes his face into her hand, and gently turns it towards her.

"Lucifer… What happened with Uriel?" it comes hesitant, and it's so wrong. She shouldn't be, after all the things they have gone through together.

She also shouldn't know about Uriel.

A sob tears through his lips, when he tries to answer, and the Detective takes one look at him and starts to explain. Apparently Uriel appeared in the penthouse when she arrived, and showed her his wings. And if angels were real, that means Lucifer was telling the truth the whole time.

That Lucifer is the Devil and her roommate is a demon, and all the impossible things she thought she had imagined, were real.

He nods, because he can't speak, trembling, waiting for her to answer to make him or break him.

She starts to say something, and there is a split second where it looks like the words get stuck on her tongue. She jerks her hands back and her eyes widen, filling with tears.

"I…" she stops, blinking away the tears before opening her mouth again. "Please Lucifer, I need a little time… just give me some time."

And she is out of his penthouse before he even understands her words.


	20. pt xx

**Tw: **panic attack

* * *

She won't look him in the eye, won't talk to him.

So he runs and tells his therapist and it's the same reaction, fear, and shock and he goes back to Lux to lick his wounds and maybe disappear forever.

Except killers don't stop just because the devil wants them to, and he still has a job to do so when he gets the call from Dan of all people he goes.

The man tries to keep him on a leash, with really bad results, because he doesn't care anymore. If they are going to kick him out so be it, he's used to that too.

The second body drops and suddenly there is Maze who is angry so angry because Chloe won't look at her, and Linda won't talk to her and of course it's his fault. All of this is his fault.

His mother escaping, his brother's death, Chloe and Linda leaving, Amenadiel falling, all of it. So he stands in front of the shooter while the detective arrests the man, and leaves before she has a chance to talk to him, running away with his proverbial tail between his legs.

He goes back to Lux to drink or have sex and he does neither instead sitting in front of his piano with a drink in his hand trying to breathe.

Trying is the keyword because he can't. He can't.

He doesn't even need air and he still feels his lungs fighting for it, panic setting in, consuming him, and no matter what he does he can't calm himself down.

Father is using him to send his Mother back to hell. Mother is using him to keep herself out of it. Amanediel is fallen, Maze isn't talking to him, Linda and Chloe won't look him in the eye, and Uriel is dead.

Uriel is dead, and he killed him, and he can feel the blood dripping from his hands and he can't clean it off no matter how hard he tries and he can't breathe and he is shaking and...

Somebody's calling his name, he recognizes the voice from somewhere, not sure from where. He doesn't try to look up, he can't look away from his bloody hands. Where does it come from; he cleaned it. He cleaned it.

A small hand gently wipes away his tears, stroking his cheeks telling him to breathe.

He wants to but he can't. He is a monster, a murderer, and everything the humans ever called him. He should have gone back to hell when Amenadiel first asked when he was accused of killing those kids when he killed his brother when his friends stopped looking at him.

He is shaking and sobbing and taking panicked breaths through his mouth when his lungs don't seem to work. The hands-on his face are the only thing that ground him to this world, the only thing that seems real beside his panic.

So he focuses on it.

And oh, there is the voice again telling him to calm down, promising that everything will be alright. He wants to laugh because alright was a millennia ago in heaven, when Dad was still home and Mom still smiled and humanity wasn't even in his father's mind. Everything just went downhill from there, and he wants to just stop-

Oh.

It's the Detective.

But… Why?


	21. pt xxi

**tw:** panic attack mentioned

* * *

The shock isn't enough to snap him out of his panic, but it gets better after that.

The Detective stays with him, breathes with him, making sure he won't pass out from the lack of oxygen. She strokes gentle circles on his back, and slowly but surely he calms down.

He has no idea what's happening, but when he glances up he sees a take-out box on his piano.

There is something like hope growing inside his grace at the reminder of their routine, and he doesn't have the strength to squash it down.

But he has to know what this is, where they stand. He is already at his breaking point, he won't be able to take more and hold himself together.

He doesn't even need to ask, because the Detective reads him like an open book.

There is a sad smile on her face, as she gets up, tugging his wrist to follow her. They sit down on the couch and she tucks his head beneath her chin while making herself comfortable.

When she starts to gently run her fingers through his hair, he melts into her. He doesn't even try to suppress a sob of pure relief when she doesn't push him away.

She holds him tighter instead and whispers.

"Oh, Lucifer…"

There is so much sorrow in her voice, so much hurt, and it's for him again. And that's still a novel thing, people being sad on his behalf. People being in his corner, not against him.

There is hesitation in her voice too, but her hands don't stop combing through his hairs, so maybe whatever is in her mind won't be too bad. At least he hopes so.

"Lucifer… I wasn't… I wasn't running because you are the devil." She holds him tighter, trying to reassure him she is telling the truth. And she never lied to him before, and he has no idea why would she start now, but if that's not why she ran then why?

"We are soulmates. I realized it when you came home. I tried to tell you everything will be alright, but… you just killed your brother, it was pretty obvious it wouldn't be all right." there is a second of pause before she keeps going again. "I couldn't get it past my lips, so I ran."

Out of all possibilities, he wasn't expecting that.

Did she run, because the thought of sharing a bond with the devil was so awful she couldn't bear to see him? Did she consider it a curse too? A burden?

The hope that has been growing inside him is rapidly disappearing, and he isn't sure when did he start trembling again. The Detective's hold gets weaker, and there is something like heartbreak in her eyes, and that's another thing he doesn't understand.

She is the one who rather pretend he doesn't exist than acknowledge him as a soulmate.

"Why…?" Why is she the one who is hurting, when he is the one who is falling into pieces?

He means to ask that. Means to ask so many things, but his clever words. His best talent abandons him, and he can't quite keep the desperation out of his voice. And she stares a little like this isn't what she was expecting.

Like she bracing herself for anger rather than hurt and he doesn't understand!

"Lucifer, you hate everything that has to do with your father." Her voice cracks making him glance up, and oh she is crying.

He didn't mean to make her cry.

He changes position, still lying on her because he doesn't have the will to give that up, but now looking up. He wipes her tears, but they just keep falling and falling, and he doesn't know what to do.

But even how close they are, he barely catches the soft confession that slips out of her.

"I couldn't bare you hating me."

And that doesn't make sense either.

There isn't any possible alternative where he is capable of hating her or even disliking her. The mere thought is ridiculous, and if it wasn't so obviously bothering her, he would laugh it off.

Yet she still believes it is an option and he needs to understand why. Because if he accidentally made her believe that, he needs to correct it immediately.

Why would the fact they are soulmates bother him? He never had anything against them.

Why would…

Oh…

Humans believe soulmates are a gift from Dad. And he hates all the things that are the fruit of his manipulation, and to the Detective soulmates are one of them.

But…

"...they are not from Dad."

And he probably shouldn't just blurt this out, but he still needs deep breaths just to not spiral, and the Detective is still sobbing silently. The fact that he told her God isn't infallible is the last thing he cares about.

"The lot of you weren't made like this. This is the fruit of your freedom. The one quality that raises you to the celestials. Not even all of my brothers have a bond."

She is listening with parted lips and tears streaming down her face and wonder in her eyes. And he can't help to bask in her attention.

"Soulmates aren't a gift from God. It's the first thing you took for yourself."


	22. pt xxii

She needs time to process all of it; but instead of running, she stays there with him. Entwined until he feels like they are one instead of two separate entities.

And if between her still falling tears and soft fingers, he catches her whispering lovingly.

"We are so stupid."

Well, it's not like he can prove her wrong.


	23. pt xxiii

Things get better after that.

They start talking again, Linda calls him, and he makes up with Maze. He has no idea where he stands with his actual family, but that's not something new anyway.

Uriel still hurts. Like a bloody wound that doesn't heal at all. But now every time his nightmares take over the day the Detective is there.

Suddenly there are hugs at the precinct, gentle tugs at his arm when she wants to guide him somewhere and frequent warm looks sent in his general direction. Yet for all the simple touches and gentle smiles, he doesn't know if he deserves the kindness shown to him by this brilliant human.

He is the devil after all.

But every time he gets unsure in her support, she makes sure to double it. Telling him, _showing him_, he is deserving of it.


	24. pt xxiv

The first time she introduces him as her soulmate, a soft 'Chloe' slips through his lips.

It feels like a prayer, and it tastes righter than any praise and glory he ever sang to his father, and it scares him.

It scares him because the Lightbringer's voice was the loudest, the clearest in the heavenly choirs and if he was ready to burn and fall then...

He doesn't want to imagine what she could make him do.

(They are already inside when he realizes.

No one on their team was surprised.

They all know about it. The Detective probably told them. It's not something she intends to keep in secret.

The Detective, Chloe, wants the world to know they are each other's.

Never did he know that love sometimes feels like falling.)


	25. pt xxv

It's getting harder and harder to not just- kiss her.

Not to walk up to her and greet her with a quick peck on her lips, or lean down when she is smiling or brush a hair out of her face when she is trying to puzzle out their latest case.

It's probably a little pathetic, that all his fantasies are so mundane and domestic, without any thought about what would come after if any, but he can't quite make himself to care.

In all his life he loved desperately and with a burning passion, and he still feels that, but this quiet, calm, sort of love is completely new to him.

He's confused by it, not quite knowing where to put it, how to spell it out, but every time he brings it up to Linda she is smiling at him proudly so he must be doing something right after all.

It occurs to him later, when they try to take away Lux. When she stands with him and listens to his stories about famous people who passed the nightclub's door. When she shows up with the legal work saying he is safe to stay.

(When she holds her mother's gaze tears streaming down on her face and refuses to call him a liar.)

She feels like home.


	26. pt xxvi

The bastard that killed the Detective's father walks and he almost goes after him, ready to destroy him, to take him apart with his own hands.

Except...

Except Chloe stumbles into his arms right after they leave the room, and the idea of her hurting is worse than some filth escaping punishment; so he holds her closer as they drive back to Lux.

The take-out is already on the piano by the time they arrive.

(He doesn't tell her this, but the anger in Dan's eyes matched Maze's, and he is quite sure that this time tomorrow there will be no one left to take care of.)


	27. pt xxvii

He doesn't stop talking, not for hours and hours, trying to fill the silence while Chloe puts herself back together. He gently coaxes her into eating the take-out, holding up bite-sized pieces to her mouth as she snuggles closer to him.

He's in the middle of complaining about this new and up-coming musician, who clearly doesn't know what he is doing when the Detective glances up. And finally, her eyes start shining with the usual fire, even if the tears are still there.

And he clearly has a problem, because he isn't able to look away, and he only needs to lean down a little to capture her lips...

He is not expecting the stewardess, and his face must be hilarious because Chloe starts to giggle.

(The woman pouts when he sends her away, but she isn't protesting at all, sending them a soft smile as she enters the elevator again.

He has been holding the Detective all this time.)


	28. pt xxviii

He should be more proud of his army of lovers, but every confession just leaves him slowly colder and colder, the familiar hollow feeling trying to find a way into his grace again.

It's stupid, because he is far from alone, and he can't even say he is lonely, surrounded by his maybe friends and his soulmate, but that doesn't help with the stubborn emptiness taking a hold of him again.

But after they are done, at least for the time being, Chloe makes a beeline for him and rests her forehead against his, a soft smile playing on her lips, chasing away his darker thoughts.

She was barely five feet away from him all day, and he still missed her so much it hurt.

They stand there for some time, with half-lidded eyes, just breathing each other in, before she steps back a little.

(If this was anyone else he would chase her smile, but she isn't, and he is not brave enough yet to risk losing her over this.)

"You sure gave me some work to do." he takes in her exasperated eye roll, her little smirk, mischief shining in her eye, and looks at the three dozen witnesses standing not far away from them.

And he did didn't he?


	29. pt xxix

They are standing on the beach, case closed, but with more questions than answers. Yet he can only think about the almost kiss they had, and all the soft moments that followed, and he is talking before he has a chance to think.

So he tells her that he loves her, in ways he never thought himself capable of loving. How every second spent together is more precious than the thousands of years he spent in heaven, how sometimes he only wants to be held by her, and nothing more…

"...and I'm the Devil, Detective. You deserve someone who isn't me."

The last words are barely out when she steals the surprised cry falling from his lips.

He dives in, unable to keep his eyes shut. She looks as holy as his brothers in the setting sun, fading light painting her hair into honey, flying softly in the gentle breeze. And maybe his kisses are more like worship, more like falling into her, but she takes every last one of his breath, devouring her own name silently falling from his lips.

Her fingers are caressing his face, so careful and gentle, and exactly the opposite of the burning passion of their kisses, and he feels something spilling over in his grace, and…

...he can't stop the soft whimper escaping his throat, or chasing after her when she bites his lip one last time.

She smiles, gently touching their foreheads together.

"You deserve to be loved too, Lucifer." She tells him, wiping away the tears falling from his eyes.

Oh…

He is crying.

After realizing it, he can't stop.

Sobs wreck through him and all he can do is to shake with them, as Chloe holds him whispering soft "I love you's" that only make him cry harder.

She doesn't seem to mind.


	30. pt xxx

It's already dark by the time he calms down, and they head back to his car, holding hands. And there is an emptiness in his grace, but this one doesn't make him feel alone and numb. It feels like all of his emotions besides happy and tired were washed away, the remaining ones staying there faded, but no less powerful.

It's an unspoken decision, that Chloe should drive, so he makes himself comfortable in the passenger seat, eyes still fixed on her as she goes around and starts the car.

They are halfway home, when she finally speaks up, mischief and happiness shining in her eyes.

"Lucifer?" And his voice feels disgustingly sweet even for his own ears when he answers.

"Detective?" and there is that mischief again.

"For the record. I loved you before I knew you were soulmate."

And…

Thank god he isn't the one driving.


	31. end

God doesn't do wishes.

No matter what humans think, his Father doesn't hand out miracles, and happy endings. He doesn't give a praying couple a child made from the same soil the first human, made from his breath.

Yet Chloe lies in the hospital bed, alive and well.

She is smiling at him, tired and content. Like she didn't just almost die. Like he didn't just go to Hell to save her, barely getting back in time. Like all of this is normal, nothing more complicated than a shooting.

Like the love of a fallen angel isn't a burning thing to have.

And for a terrifying second, he wants to run. Run from this heartache and love as far as he can.

But...

But only those with free will are bound by fate; and no matter how ineffable his Father is, He can't create soulmates.

And Mother is still there, Amenadiel is still falling and Maze still figuring herself out but… he can work with this. He can work with this.

So he lets a sliver of hope to mix with the love growing in his grace.

And he smiles back.

* * *

**A/N: good lord this one was a hard one to write. Thanks for sticking around!**


End file.
